The Road to Flagstaff

On my exodus flight to Phoenix, I was seated in a center seat between one thin well dressed man and to my right was someone so obese I'm suprised he didn't book two seats for himself. He moved his girth in my direction and asked was I from Australia, commonly I get mistaken for Scottish or Aussie when in the US. I said I'm from Ireland his eyes glazed over with a look of puzzlement. "Where about's that", I reply "It's beside England". I can tell he is nodding his head out of politeness to fake interest in European geography, although he seems to be cracking a smirk almost repressing a laugh. Being from an obscure country in his opinion seems to funny. When I enquire where he is from he says Nebraska. I know about as much as Nebraska, as knows about Ireland. Although not to sound too superior, at least in Ireland we've had a few notable wars, some alcoholic writers, and invented good whiskeys and stouts. Enough to get our own day on March 17th. While Nebraska on the other hand has done, well eh.......... If anyone should be bemused about someone coming from an obscure place it's me. The conversation quickly ceases.

I know I know, it's such a cliche, talking about Americans knowledge of geography is like finding a piss head in Temple bar on a Saturday night. Besides the average Irish celtic tiger cub is ten times worse, a friend of mine who's a teacher says half his students can't find Ireland there own bloody country on a map.

An hour passes without incident. The man left to me looks very clean cut and is reading the best selling book of all time. Shortly before landing, we strike up a conversation, he ask's where am I going, I say from phone airport to catch a shuttle bus to Flagstaff. By coincidence he is heading to Flagstaff as well, and politely offers me a lift in the rental he has already booked. I decline intially but when collecting my bagage I agree as long as I can buy him lunch. To give credit where it's due, fair play to him for giving me a lift. Considering I do look like a cereal killer. Although by his clean image maybe he's a murderer, it's always the one you least expect. When at the rental depot, the parking attendant tells us no car's are left except for a red Mustang convertible with 2000 mileage. All for the price of a compact. What a stroke of luck this is. He looks at me and Exclaims "that's not Luck, thats god's doing".
What ensued was one of the most interesting 4 hours of conversation I've ever had. He was a Christian pastor going to Flagstaff to start a bible school because (according to him) Flagstaff is a secular liberal stronghold. His group originally came from Arkansas. Red convertibles somehow don't quite suit his demeanor more a gangster or yuppie boy racer.

Meeting people like him is precisely the reason one should be a traveler and not a tourist, to converse and exchange ideas with someone who is completely different from you. I've always wanted to meet a pro bush republican from the bible belt (seriously) to hear what they have to say. Although at first I had visions of him driving me to some compound where I would be brain washed into joining some pro gun militia, fortunately that never happened. What did happen was lengthy conversations on life, universe and everything.

He would call himself a bible literalist, where everything in the old testament literally happened, from Adam and Eve to Noah's ark. And God exact's punishment accordingly in a physical form by floods etc, to right the wrong's of sinful places. Therefore America is rich and powerful because it is a holy and christen place, while other country's starve because they are godless. That's why Hurricane Katrina came down as punishment for Mardi Gras. At this point I didn't want to tell him about my trips to Amsterdam, just in case he might think the car would be struck by lightning, and he'd throw me out on the roadside.

When we did get to talk about the war in Iraq, (according to him) it is going badly because America elected Bill Clinton in the 90's, a sinful man, and now god is punishing a good president like Bush. We stopped to have lunch in place he likes called Fuddruckers, is it just me, or is there a perverse double meaning in that name. A drunk man came to our table and asked for water and stumbled out again, my new travelling partner told me he was probably from a reservation.

When I told him about Clinton brokering the Northern Ireland good Friday agreement, and how evil men don't do things like that, he replied the bible tell's us even God can use evil men as tools for good. His jaw drooped when I told him in Ireland Clinton is viewed as a Saint while Bush is seen very much as the anti Christ. Clinton got a blow job behind his wife's back, but he brokered some of the most amazing foreign policy deals of any US president (although I can't speak for what he did in his home country as I don't live there), Bush on the other hand, well where to even begin possibly the worst foreign relations disaster in recent history of any country in the world right now is his responsibility. But at least he never got his dick sucked behind his wifes back (as far as we know).

I try to explain about Gilgamesh, and how Noah's ark is based on the old Babylonian legend, and my various other beliefs on how the world really works, that I don't believe anyone neither priest nor scientist.

Desert and flat plains then gives way to mountain and snow covered forest, finally I've reached Flagstaff where I've arrange to meet my friend Jamie at his work. It then occurs to me the diversity of America, not just in it's physical landscape where in the space of a few hours drive I've seen a whole change in climate, but in it's people. The person I'm about to meet is as completely opposite as the man who just gave me a lift, as the desert around Phoenix is as different to the Forests and mountains of Flagstaff. I'm sick of hearing negative stereotypes about Americans, like that they're all fat, then why does it have some of the best athletes in the world, or that Americans are stupid then how come they've the best engineers and scientists in the world. A place of such extremes can not be stereotyped.

I pull up at Jamie's work in the Mustang, and bid far well to the pastor and thank him for the lift. He tells that was the most interesting conversation he'd had in a long time, I tell him likewise.